Many of us crave a slower pace of life. The career rat race, social pressure, and of course the current pandemic has many of us long for change in our lives. Yvette and her husband decided to not wait any longer and moved from the US to Portugal in 2021.
Even though moving to Portugal was an emotional rollercoaster, Yvette and her husband are already experiencing the amazing benefits of their move – spending more quality time with each other, going outdoors, and learning new things together.
And even though Yvette’s journey has just begun, she already knows she has made the right decision for her and her family. This is her story:
Hey Yvette!
You recently moved with your family of four to Portugal. Can you tell us how it all started and how you and your husband made the decision?
The thought of moving abroad emerged for us in May 2021. It was Mexican Mother’s Day, and rather than celebrating as a proud mom of two, I had found myself breaking down in front of my partner due to the burnout from working a full-time academic job, homeschooling my then first-grader, caring for my infant, all while managing a chronic illness during the pandemic.
That breaking point led to a breakthrough where we started to wonder where we could move that would have a lower cost of living and higher quality of life than Santa Barbara, CA—where we were living at that time. So that sparked the conversation of moving out of state and then moving out of the country.
Once you decided you wanted to move abroad, how did you land on Portugal? Was it your first pick, or did you consider other destinations?
As soon as we realized that we had the financial means to move abroad, we narrowed down our options. With every country we considered, something made us second guess the move. Sometimes, the cost of living in a particular area wasn’t much lower than in the US, or we had an issue with the weather — it was too cold, or too hot, or too humid. In other instances, we liked a country, but the visa application seemed much too complicated. It felt like there was always something about moving to another country that concerned us.
But this feeling changed when we looked into Portugal— it checked all of our boxes, and we couldn’t think of a reason not to pursue moving there. We were initially interested because of the lower cost of living, which for us means working less and spending more time as a family. But after finding out about its safety, its good and affordable healthcare, its family-friendly and polite people, and the fact that our children would learn another language, we found more reasons for moving. An added plus was discovering that their visa application was not too cumbersome.
From that point on, we made a firm decision to pursue this move, which involved selling our home, me quitting my job, and ultimately moving six months later.
How did you prepare for the big move, both mentally and practically? How did you find your way in terms of visa, housing, jobs, etc.? Any tips you can share?
The hardest part for me in preparing for this process was managing my mindset because, in most cases, when we told friends and family that we were planning on moving abroad, they would constantly interrogate and discourage us from pursuing this. I acknowledge that their concern came from a place of love, yet it was still hard to deal with their reactions. I must admit that having a therapist was a huge help. If I didn’t have this kind of emotional support, we could have easily been dissuaded and changed our minds or waited longer to do this.
Once my mind was set on moving, and the whole family was on board, we also wanted to make sure we had professional support with navigating the visa application process. Even though the visa application we went with was relatively straightforward, we preferred to have extra help since we were risking so much to make this move a reality. So we reached out to several lawyers and consultants, asked for information on their services and rates, narrowed down our list to our top two, then scheduled consultation meetings.
Ultimately, we selected a consultant whose team has helped us with more than just the visa application. They have helped us with almost every part of our move, from securing housing, opening our bank accounts, and even enrolling our son in school.
It is harder to get a job in Portugal than in other European cities (especially as the working language is often Portuguese). How have you experienced this?
As far as I know, it is hard to get a job in Portugal as a foreigner, especially if you don’t know the language. The other drawback is that salaries in Portugal are not very high; therefore, the lower cost of living is relative for us. It’s low compared to what we’re accustomed to paying for housing in California but could be considered high for the local population, especially in the big cities. We moved with the understanding that we would come in with an external source of income from the US.
When moving abroad, dynamics in relationships often change. How have you and your husband experienced this?
This move has been great for my partner and me because it has allowed us to have more quality time together. I recall when our son was younger, there was a point where I was working day shifts while he worked night shifts, so we hardly saw each other. And then, when we finally had the means to purchase a home in California, we ended up renting a room to make ends meet, leaving us with little privacy.
Now we get to work less and spend more time together while exploring a beautiful country. While there are challenges to moving abroad in a country where you don’t know the language and culture, it’s been fun learning together!
How do you ensure that the stresses and changes of the move do not affect your relationship? What are the things you and your husband do to overcome challenges together?
My partner and I are very much a team and support each other in our personal and professional goals. When things get hard, we give each other space and then talk things out. We’re also always willing to come to an agreement and figure out a way to best navigate a big stressor.
How do you feel Portugal and America are different? Were there moments you experienced a ‘culture shock’? How have you dealt with the differences?
The language barrier has been the biggest difference I’m learning to embrace here. When I arrived and realized I could not communicate with most people despite being bilingual in English and Spanish, I found it hard to work up the courage to try and do things like run errands. Now that I’ve picked up some Portuguese words and phrases, I’m feeling more confident with doing things on my own, but I still get shy. I’m about to start a Portuguese language course and am looking forward to learning enough to sustain a short conversation with neighbors.
Other cultural differences I’ve noticed include just how polite people are. Generally, the culture seems much more family-friendly, and I appreciate that people don’t look twice if my baby is crying or being fussy in public.
There’s also a lot of bureaucracy here. Many things have required ample paperwork, multiple steps, and several days or weeks of waiting. Expecting this and learning to be patient certainly helps.
Another surprising thing I’ve noticed is that drivers here are just as wild, if not worse, than drivers in Los Angeles. I wasn’t anticipating the speeding, tailgating, and honking I’ve witnessed while ridesharing.
Overall, I’m trying my best to embrace all of the differences, mainly because the benefits of living here outweigh any of the cultural shocks I’ve experienced so far.
Being so far away from home, how do you create a sense of home? Did you bring specific belongings with you to make you feel at home? Or are there other ways that make you feel comfortable in a foreign country?
For me, my immediate family is my home. I’m not particularly attached to objects, and before our move, we sold our house and donated or gave away most of the items we owned.
Each of us brought only what we could fit in two large suitcases. We brought clothes, books, photo albums, tech, and important paperwork. All else we knew we could easily replace here.
What has helped us feel more at home is finding places that we feel comfortable in, like parks, beaches, the local Asian market, and even the indoor malls. Places like this are familiar to us and help us feel like we belong.
What are the craziest, funniest, or most awkward situations you experienced while living abroad?
My husband’s method of learning the language is by coming up with a funny mnemonic to help him remember words. He’ll find English words that are similar and make a story out of it. This makes it awkward when we’re out in public because each time he says certain words, I can’t help but think of the mnemonic, and then I want to crack up.
A quick example is the word “pão,” which means bread. He says, “pow pow, it will knock you out!” because he knows that I’m gluten intolerant, and eating bread will make me very very sleepy. So now, each time he goes out and asks for “pão,” my son and I end up laughing out loud and looking so silly.
Living abroad is a life-changing experience. Although you’ve only just moved to Portugal, do you already feel you have changed?
I know I have changed, given that I cannot imagine looking back. Six months ago, moving abroad was a wild dream. Now that it’s a reality, my overwhelmingly peaceful and positive experience thus far only validates that intuitive feeling I had that this would be a good place for us. As a family that prioritizes slowing down, spending time outdoors and learning new things, Portugal is a great place for us.
Can you name three reasons why moving abroad is the best thing you (anyone) can do?
- To check off this item from your bucket list. If you don’t do it now, you’ll always wonder, “what if?” I didn’t want to be left wondering what my life would have been like if I left the US for a better quality of life elsewhere. Now I know, and I’m so glad I did it.
- To expand your comfort zone and learn a new language and culture. I’m a very anxious and type-A person, which means that change isn’t easy for me. But the more I push myself to get out of my comfort zone, the more I’m expanding it. There’s so much joy in pushing yourself to learn and try new things.
- To inspire the next generation to pursue their dreams. Our parents moved to the US from their home countries (Mexico and Vietnam) with very little money or resources. As a first-generation couple, we know that if our parents could start over in a new country, then we could too!
Finally, what is your advice for people out there who are thinking of moving abroad?
If you’re dreaming of moving abroad, rather than tell yourself that you cannot do it, find a way to answer the “how?” Ask yourself, “how can I make this happen?” and take baby steps towards that. It could start with following certain social media accounts, reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos. Then it can mean saving money, switching jobs, or doing whatever it is that will get you one step closer towards that move. And make sure you surround yourself with people who believe in you and cheer you on along the way. Having support helps a lot!
Are you looking for a slower pace of life? Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and moving abroad, might be the change you need. Start planning your move with Let’s Move Abroad the book, a guide-meets-workbook for everyone who dreams of moving abroad.
Thinking of moving to Portugal and keen to follow Yvette’s adventures in Portugal? Check out Yvette’s Instagram page @mixedfamabroad and give her a follow!
